O Christmas Tree (Hidden Bluff 2022)

Your boughs so green in summertime
Stay bravely green in wintertime

From song “O Christmas Tree”

O Christmas Tree. December 1, 2022.

This last weekend a big creative slump descended as a blank Christmas tree stared at me in our living room. Christmas is a big season for home artists/bloggers who are trying to promote their businesses and build authenticity with their artistry, so it should be no surprise that a lot of effort goes into personal holiday decor for online bloggers. Here at Hidden Bluff, lot of time is spent on the slowly growing Home Decor section of the SomeTyme Place website. And Christmas is not a convenient time for my muse to disappear. Anyways, Friday had started off with high hopes of getting a Frasier Fir tree for the big decor plan this year. And after visits to three tree farms my hopes for the big decor plans were starting to fade. Never mind though I thought. I will rally- I always do. So, we settled on a Noble Fir.

After all this my very patient, gem of a husband set up the tree which is not easy. After that the lights went on. Finally, it was time to execute the plan, so I began to decorate and then the slump hit fast. I am not kidding when I say I decorated the tree several times over the weekend, each time looking at it and not feeling right about it. By late Saturday imposter fraud syndrome had set in and every self-critical thought began shooting barbs at my worthiness as an artist.

O Christmas Tree

Two days of this went on, and then in the middle of Sunday afternoon I got a spontaneous inner vision from God of what the tree should look like. And yet, even after all His goodness in my life I quickly I rejected it saying it couldn’t work. And then I found myself stripping the tree and moving forward with the spirit-inspired tree vision despite my own doubts. As I went along it became clear that things were heading in the right direction. And when done I was a bit shocked. There was not a single Christmas ornament on the tree. Except for the candles, these gift boxes, and ribbons it was entirely botanical- dried hydrangeas, roses and eucalyptus, faux roses, plenty of green moss and pinescones. It was perfect!

I found myself dancing around the tree- for real. Yes, the tree was beautiful, but more importantly was that my true signature style had clearly emerged in this creation. This is kind of a big deal for an artist.

It was in this moment that something important happened: the Lord had saved me from myself. So often my own insecurity and inner critic leads me astray. What I am doing doesn’t measure up and I am a failure. The struggle is real. Furthermore at 49 I have found myself desperately wanting to discover my authentic, signature style as opposed to bouncing around. It was in this moment of creative despair that I found myself being led by the hand back full circle to where I needed to be. It was a humbling experience in grace. The Lord wanted me to be the artist who He created me so much that He walked me back to it that Sunday afternoon. I needed to embrace my own unique artistry without shame or fear.

And once I did embrace who I was the ideas began to flow- truly beautiful ones. Everything began to flow around the house for Christmas. I would walk by some area and was suddenly inspired to create something there. This happened several times. When it comes to personal style there is a difference between natural ideas and the forced ones. As God showed me it was time to take the pressure off and let Him lead resulting in a truly unique and beautiful botanical tree that reflects the nature of the artistry He has given me. My wish is for all women to discover their identity in the Lord and what He has created them to be. We all have been blessed with unique gifts. He wants us to discover these gifts. We need set aside our own insecurities and take time to listen. Have a blessed weekend!

Have a beautiful day!