When Plans Fail: 4 Things to Remember

When was the last time your plans failed? Or maybe you experienced a sudden and drastic change that upended your whole life? Perhaps you had been planning something big like a career change or a move and everything fell through. Maybe what you thought was a happy marriage suddenly imploded. Or your baby was going to be born with extra challenges. We all experience the tragedy of life plans and dreams failing at some point. All we can do is our best to try and plan the course of our lives, but inevitably things change. Sometimes the changes bring a lot of pain and a season of grieving. Other times failed plans are a good thing. It’s possible you’ll eventually experience a realization that if things had happened the way you wanted them to it would be a bad thing. So, how should we react when plans fail?

Unfortunately, some people’s plans and dreams are killed in a single and cruel moment. My son had a classmate who was an avid baseball player and dreamed of a pro career. A diagnosis dashed those hopes and changed the course of his life. Another young man I talked with recently told me he lost his sports scholarship due to a broken leg. He was now pumping gas. Another friend of our got his life plans cut cruelly when cancer took him while his kids were young. We all have dreams and plans, but sometimes they change or die. Most of us have probably experienced both as well. It’s never pretty. Those with terminal illness face this in the worst way possible. What I notice about these people is that many of them grieve, but then pick themselves up and move forward with tremendous grace and strength.

The changes many of us experience may not bring death, but still are life-changing and require time to mentally process. For years my dream was to homestead. I was very passionate about the domestic arts. We had a garden and many herbs in our tiny, city backyard. I canned fruits and vegetables we picked from a local farm. I sewed, knitted, and made soap. Of course, those dreams outgrew our tiny yard and into acres with a huge garden and chickens. My future flock of chickens were even named. Friends and strangers sought my advice on all things domestic. We started looking to move into an old farmhouse where I would write a blog on all my domesticity. There was no reason to think our plans wouldn’t happen except they didn’t. No one was more surprised than me when I realized those long-dreamed about plans failed. Now what?

While we have experienced the sudden shock of change such as when we found out during pregnancy that our daughter had a cleft lip/palate, in this particular instance our plans died a slow death. The fact is that over time we got too busy with our businesses and a large extended family. I also had some physical issues that demanded I cut back on doing certain things. Additionally, my husband runs a business over a large territory which is very time consuming and stressful. Our priorities and health demanded sacrifice and we did. It was hard to accept that my body was simply not going to let me continue on without paying a big price. But the slow realization of what was coming allowed me time to process, grieve, and accept it the death of a long-held dream. Looking back, I see 4 things to remember when plans fail.

4 things to remember When plans fail

Accept what you can’t change but change what you can. You don’t have to like change but stewing in resentment goes nowhere. When life plans fail there is a lot to be said for the importance of grieving and acceptance in this process. I went through my first real period of grieving in the last couple of years. It’s funny, but I didn’t even realize it at the time. My moods would fluctuate from anger to sadness at letting things go and accepting life was changing. Sometimes you can’t change circumstance, nor can you change people. This is often very frustrating and leads to a lot of anger. You might need time to process a lot of emotions. Acceptance doesn’t necessarily come right away and that’s normal. However, do you want to be a prisoner of these emotions or move forward? That is something you can change.

Lean in and embrace. Leaning in has taken on new meaning in recent years, but it’s not a new term. It traditionally means to grab opportunities without hesitance or to incline towards something. You might think of it as an embracing of something and taking whatever it has to offer. Well, take what life is offering rather than what it’s not offering. Eventually, I saw new opportunities in the direction we were going and embraced them wholly. Our roles would be different, but I found myself excited for this.

My husband understands this concept well because as a child he had to flee his home country with his family with nothing but the clothes on their backs. He grabs the opportunities that are there because he knows what it’s like to have nothing. A genocide forever changed his family and their plans to raise their kids in Cambodia. However, they leaned into their new country and embraced the opportunities that were there. When plans change lean in and look for new opportunities to embrace in your new situation.

Make a new plan (keeping in mind that plan could change as well). The hobby farm dream died, but I found new dreams seeded and taking root. This helped tremendously in softening the blow, or I might have been stuck in my grief longer. Life was taking us a new direction. Our path was leading to more international connections and traveling because of budding new relationships and repaired old ones. Business was also taking us out into the world more. I saw the potential and came up with a new dream and plan. My body may not be up to the task of homesteading, but I could write. And I could write about other things.

Don’t lose your optimism (although it may vacate for a while). One of my favorite movies is “Under the Tuscan Sun”. I love the part of the movie where Lindsay Duncan says, “Never lose your childish enthusiasm and things will always go your way”. That quote has proven to be so true over the years. When life plans fail keeping hope and optimism alive changes your mentality. It may not happen right away and that’s okay. Keeping faith and optimism go a long way to having things go your way. But I also believe that statement has another meaning. Keeping childish enthusiasm keeps you afloat during changes.

My husband has lots of enthusiasm for life. Arriving in the U.S., even after nearly being killed, he soaked everything up with a childish sense of wonder and optimism. Life was full and he loved it! It also made his transition to a new life much smoother. He’s never lost that optimism, and it’s served him well over the years. In fact, things go his way a lot because of that optimism and wonder. It’s one of my favorite things about him! This doesn’t mean ignorance or rose-colored glasses. On the contrary, my husband is extremely smart, savvy, and usually way ahead of everyone else. Having optimism and enthusiasm doesn’t necessarily mean leaving reality at the door although some people do, For many optimism is a choice and an expression of faith in the future.

So, when life takes a different direction having some tools helps to steer the course goes a long way to healing. Additionally, it’s important to remember that everyone has to navigate this their own way and in their own time. Take your time to process, grieve, accept, fight through, or whatever. Just remember the ladder waiting for you when ready.

Have a great day everyone!