What We Can Learn From Negative People

We all know those people. The ones who never seem to have a single good or positive thing to say no matter if the sun is shining and there is a rainbow 10 feet in front of them. Or the people whose life is a constant swirl of never-ending drama that would rival Job any day of the week. And how about the people who want to minimize your accomplishments. “You are so lucky to have that great job! I could never get anything like that because…” Never mind that you worked hard to get that job. They’ve reduced your accomplishment to the equivalent of the winning bingo board on Tuesday night. It’s enough to make a person want to jump in a deep dark hole and stay there. But are there things we can learn from negative people?

Negativism is a scourging virus that is easily caught, but not so easily lost. Some days I feel surrounded by negativity and want to move to my own private island far, far away from humanity. Other days I am the negative person and groan at my own toxic behavior. The truth is none of us are immune from this nasty viral parasite that loves to sink its claws in deep when it finds a new home.

Current culture tells us to avoid these people and “good vibes only” although I am not quite sure how to avoid myself when I am the guilty party. However, each and every time I hear the “good vibes only” meme it leaves me feeling a bit unsettled. On the surface it sounds like a great plan. Until the realization hit that was I was losing an opportunity to help others, something I love doing, and I was missing an opportunity to learn something.

Please note that today’s post is not for people in a toxic situation. There are negative people to avoid because your sanity depends on it or your family’s health or your relationship. They are negative to the point of being verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive. We all have those we need to shut the door on. Today’s post is not for those situations. This post is about dealing with the “everyday variety” negative people because they are abundant, and they are part of our lives. And some times we are those people.

Benefits from being around negative people

Negative people make can help make us aware of what we are saying and doing. There is something about listening to others that forces me to reexamine my own words and actions. Whether it’s positive or negative, I find myself cross checking my own behavior. Have you ever had a moment where a person shocks you with a comment and you are thinking, “Wow! Did I hear that right? Did they really say that out loud?” And “did they even think about how that sounded on the other end?” These moments make me mentally cringe. It is these moments that make me immediately file a note in my brain of things NOT to say. Worse yet, are the memories of my own toxic words that resurface. In listening to negative people we are often reminded of 1) how not to be and 2) how imperfect we all are.

Negative people help us to look beneath the surface. Negative people are hurting people. I used to take negative comments personally, but overtime the realization set in that people were echoing their own insecurities and fears. Honestly, I’m not sure many of us realize it when we are doing it. Who knows what is going on below the surface? Life is hard. Really hard. Additionally, many of these negative people are highlighting obvious symptoms of depression- something I struggle with. Showing some compassion for negativity might mean more than you ever realize.

Another thing to consider is that people go through some really, really difficult things- things that we have no clue about. Finding the surface when you feel you are drowning is not easy. And sometimes those problems are so personal you can’t even talk about them. Negativity is all you feel because your circumstances are pushing you under. And then there are the people in our life whose life is nothing but a tidal wave of problems. They rarely have anything to talk about other than their problems. However, those problems are often very real. Listening to it may pop our happy bubble, but sometimes it’s the compassionate thing to do. The trick is identifying someone who is really struggling vs someone who enjoys the drama.

Negative people can help us to deal with problems. We all know that avoiding problems is not a positive life strategy even though it is so tempting and easy at times. At this point I will freely admit to dodging someone recently at a store because I didn’t want to hear all their many sagas. In fact, I’ve done that many times. However, learning to face up to things is a better solution than dodging it. Negative people can help remind us that avoiding people isn’t always the solution. It’s a chronic reminder that we live in a very imperfect world with very imperfect people who are all trying to find our way. When I choose to avoid life’s Eeyore’s for my own peace, I feel I am losing an opportunity to grow and challenge myself.

Dealing with negative people is challenging and it’s hard to know when to draw the line. But there are times when negative people can give us insight to ourselves and others, teaching us important life skills as well as teach us to be better people. Have an amazing week!